Path to Purpose

 “One of the most notable demographic trends of the last two decades has been the delayed entry of young people into adulthood. . . Today’s 25-year-olds, compared with their parents’ generation at the same age, are twice as likely to still be students, only half as likely to be married and 50 percent more likely to be receiving financial assistance from their parents”, according to Laurence Steinberg, a professor of psychology at Temple University, published in a recent New York Times article.

Yikes! This is probably why the book Do Hard Things is a national best seller. We know we need to put expectations back into the language we use with our kids.

One of the benefits I hear often from parents is that CLEPing helped their student develop a sense of purpose to their academics in their high school years. In turn, this transitioned over to students being more intentional about their activities and goals for their future. Given the right preparation and encouragement, students have a lot more to offer than we expect from them.

At a recent breakfast with a friend, he asked for ideas on how to engage his 13 year old granddaughter to stretch herself. He can see her potential, but she is more comfortable being part of the herd. For many students, they only seem themselves as just that – students. They don’t remember a day they weren’t one and they can’t imagine a day when they will no longer be one.

William Damon is one of my favorite authors who is talks honestly about the academic treadmill we put our students on – toward an emptiness of artificial academic achievement. High school graduates are often set adrift lacking a sense of purpose. Something will fill that void. We want to be intentional about pointing them to find purpose in their lives. I highly recommend his book The Path to Purpose: How Young People Find Their Calling in Life. In an article for the Palo Alto Weekly he writes:

“. . . adolescents spend their high school years in a contest for credentials, accumulating grades, scores and accolades they hope to leverage into a rosy future at a top college. For many, this is an intensely competitive, stressful process that crowds out other activities important to healthy development. Increasingly, it is a process that is not sustainable for many young people — despite their tremendous abilities and stellar performances — and contributes to a rising tide of mental health issues, a sense of drift, emptiness, “something missing,” or a lack of joy, according to many educators, psychologists, parents and other youth experts.” William Damon, Stanford School of Education professor and psychologist.  https://ed.stanford.edu/news/driven-succeed-how-were-depriving-teens-sense-purpose

It is a myth to think teens can’t live purposefully. I like to challenge them with these questions:

• When you are no longer a student, what do you want to be?
• What type of life do you want to live?
• What contribution do you want to be known for?

Whether you’re a parent, grandparent, or in a mentor role, I encourage you to help the students you have influence with to explore these questions. Usually, questions like this will cause teens to squirm. They assume we are looking for one right answer and they don’t have it. Consider having casual conversations with your student about various issues that need solving in the world and see if one sparks. “What problem do you want to solve?” is a better question to ask than “What do you want to major in?”

Here was my email advice to my breakfast friend:

Before your date, you might swing through the library and pick out a dozen magazines – making sure there is at least one in there with safari animals. Who doesn’t smile when looking at giraffes! While waiting for your order, you can both flip through the magazines – use them as a visual conversation starter.

• If money was no object, find three things you would want to do or buy (and you each do it and then casually talk about why).
• If you could be someone else, who would it be? Why?
• If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

Some kids need prompts to begin dreaming. Their world is made up of two square miles and sometimes the drama that lives in those two miles … who is dating who, etc. Not always. Sometimes kids have friends who take them out of this zone. That is a rare friend.

Then you can follow up with getting her a toy car (if that was one of her dreams), or a book on Africa, or … with a comment “I thought it was pretty cool that you wanted to ….” Perhaps she will think one of your bucket list items is pretty cool too.

Then the next time you can introduce her to Kiva.org. Together pick out someone to invest in.

Anyway, in my head, that is how it goes. It worked for me and mine. It didn’t happen with one conversation. It was an intentional effort by us as parents to help our kids establish a sense of purpose outside of just being a student.

Together, let’s swing the pendulum the other way.

Please share this article with friends and introduce them to Credits Before College.  

 Copyright©2014 Cheri Frame – All Rights Reserved

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Category: Creating a Plan, Vision